It Starts Today

I am sitting here amongst an unorganized mess that I am too lazy or unmotivated to clean up.  I feel like I don't even know where to start in my life.  Everything is changing and it is time for me to start living a happy and healthy life.  From the outside, looking in, I am a very happy and positive person.  However, inside I am hurting and I feel lost and scared.  I am sure this is how many of us feel.  I have just turned 29, I am getting married in 2 months, and I am trying to secure a teaching position.  I feel stressed and anxious constantly.  I have been to the doctor many times thinking that something is wrong with me when in reality my body is simply telling me to calm down.  I feel lightheaded, nauseous, and tired.  I am always worried that something is wrong with my health.  I just found out that a have a cyst on my thyroid and now I think that I have cancer!  Sounds so funny when I say it!  I need a reality check!   I am no psychologist by any means but I think a lot of it stems from my moms death when I was 16.   She died from a heart attack while in bi-pass surgery.  It was sudden and my heart absolutely broke.  There is a not a day that goes by where I do not miss her.  All these life changes and I don't have her here to support me.  But really, do I need to sit here and do nothing about it!  Today I will change!
I have signed up for Deepak Chopra's 21 day meditation challenge and it starts on Monday.  I will let you know how it goes!  I am hoping that this will help clear my mind...depending whether I can focus my attention on it....I am easily distracted : ).  My other goal is to actually put effort into planning my wedding...seeing as there is not much time left!  I also want to get organized and clean up my house!  My fiance is always doing the cleaning and I am always making the mess!  I will start small.  I am going to get off my butt and clean the kitchen today!!  I know that exercise is supposed to help and I am a sucker for exercise DVD's that I never use...so....today I will do one of my Brazilian Butt Lift DVD's (don't ask why I bought this, but when I tried it out I actually liked it and I am not sure why I stopped!)...again, I will let you know how it goes.  
I figure by  making some changes like this throughout the year, I will better myself.  My goal is to create a more positive and organized environment where I can clear my mind and start living my life the way it is meant to be lived. 
Wish me luck!