Back to Work!

So, as I mentioned before I am starting my first classroom on Tuesday which I have never done before.  I am definitely excited, I love teaching and the job means a lot to me, however, I feel more anxious then anything.  Wouldn't it be nice to have a job where you could help others without being scrutinized for doing it?  I sometimes feel that I am looked down on for my occupation and that there is  a lot that is expected of me and I don't want to screw up!   I think we all feel this way in our jobs.  But in all honesty I am really confident with my teaching abilities...even though I am new and I need to realize that I am learning too and that things aren't always going to go with the plan.  I guess I am finally learning to "roll with the punches".  Can't wait!  Also did day 1 of the Jillian Michaels 30-day shred...pretty sore! haha.

Are you Pregnant?

So today started off awesome! I went to a workshop that got me reallly excited about starting the classroom in September.  I then went out for lunch and had all you can eat sushi and stuffed my face!   Then I went to the school to see my classroom.  While there I saw one of the teachers and she was looking at my shirt with a smile and I thought she was going to comment on it but then she asked "Are you pregnant?!?"  I replied "no, haha (nervous laugh), just ate a lot of lunch!"  She was mortified and I was thinking oh my god I need to lose some weight!! In all honesty my stomach does stick out quite a bit when I am full but still...this is ridiculous.  Remember my goals for yesterday...didn't do them.  So....on that note, I am going to do my menu list now and grocery shop tonight which will not leave me anytime to go to Jazzercise which is ok...I am too bloated to work out right now anyway.  Tomorrow I will get on track!!!  It is funny I meant to get on track when I started this blog...that was the whole reason for it...but it is hard when you want to fix so many things in your life (getting organized, diet, exercise, wedding, work, etc.).  So far this has been a bumpy ride but I am learning along the way!! 

Looking Ahead

Today was a really hard day.  My sister got angry with my dad and it made him upset, which in turn made me upset.  I wish she wouldn't say the hurtful things she says.   I came home and apparantely I have a nodule on my thyroid and then I googled that which is not the wisest thing to do when you are really paranoid about your health!  So I am back on the "maybe I have cancer" train, which is not at all awesome.   I got an LTO in a Kindergarten room and only have 3 days to set up :S  And to top it all off I weighed myself and I have gained 10 pounds in a month! 
OK!!!  Here is where my positiveness needs to pay off.  Remember, I am trying to make POSITIVE changes in my life.  So...tomorrow I am starting the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred.  It is only 30 minutes a day so I can do this and there are no excuses what so ever!!  I am going to make a meal plan tonight and plan to buy some CHEAPER groceries.  Why is buying healthy food so damn expensive?  I will continue with the meditation. I am going for dinner with a great and very positive friend tomorrow night. So...sounds like I am all set to making some positive changes.  Tonight I will make my menu, address some invites and take a bath.  I will not spend my time worrying about the nodule in my thyroid...after all I had to call them to get these results...if it were really a big deal would they not have called me?   To those reading this feel free to comment and tell me just how healthy I am! haha.  Seriously...help me out here.
Here is a thought to leave you with...if you are worried about something think of the worst thing that could happen from it, accept it, and solve the problem...chances are it won't happen anyways but you will stop worrying about it because you are now prepared for the worst! 
Perhaps I should take my own advice?  Or Dale Carnegie's advice because I am pretty sure that I am remembering this from his book "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living".

Relaxation

I have had a wonderful weekend with the girls at the cottage and now I am off to another cottage for the week. I will take this time to relax and live each day with no worries about the future.  It is time for some fun!  See you in a week!

Appreciation

Yesterday was not a good day for me but today is going well.  I am learning to appreciate what I have rather then dwell on the negative.  I am so happy and blessed to have such an amazing and supportive family and a new niece and nephew.  I want them to know who I really am and to be a good role model for them.  I know that I am on the right track.  This is short and sweet today but my goal is to enjoy the day and relax and reflect on the good in my life.

Blah

I am having a "fat" day today.  You know the days where you feel lazy and your pants don't fit and you are bloated and even though you aren't hungry you eat but all you want to eat is junk food!   Yes, it is one of those days.  On the path to bettering myself I need to do something about this.  I am currently on my lunch break but am not hungry because I have just downed a croissant, bagel, and two mini cupcakes!   I am keeping positive and I realize that it is not too late to change.  I am going for dinner with my sister tonight and need to order something healthy off of the menu.  That is step one.  Step two, I need to exercise today!!   I will run on the treadmill while watching Big Brother!!   I would do a DVD but I do not want to miss Big Brother (guilty pleasure) and I need to order my wedding invites today!   I did not end up doing my "Time Management Goals Checklist" yesterday because an old friend from out of town called and I went out for drinks with them instead!   Maybe not the best health move but I cannot feel guilty for something that makes me happy.  Also, I am not one of those people who drinks and drinks until I am drunk off my ass, so nothing to feel bad about!  I was still home and in bed by 11!  Yesterday the meditation did not go as well as it did on Monday.  I was so distracted and worried about these job postings.  I have only applied to 2 of them and need to get to work on that right when I get home from my course today.  My goal is to apply to 3 more postings today and then 3 more tomorrow!   They are due on Friday so if there are some others that I would like to apply to I can send them off then!   I need to remember that I already have a position and that I am well liked at the school, I cannot let one negative teacher get me down.  I do not know why I still have this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I am wondering if adding caffeine back into my diet was a bad idea.  I have not had it for over a year because it was making me feel sick.  I slowly reintroduced it into my diet and felt fine but now I am feeling sluggish again.  So, out it goes!!! 
This week in the meditation challenge I am being asked the question  Who am I?  I am so unsure of this right now and it scares me.  Why do I not know the answer to this question?  My goal after the 21 day challenge is to become more clear about who I am and my purpose in life.  

Living in the Moment

Today a slew of other jobs have been posted for teaching and I am overwhelmed.  I will be going away next week and am worried that I will get a call and not be able to make it into the interview!   However, I can not think this way.   I can only live in the moment which is today.  So today I am going to do my meditation, print off the job listings and sit outside (since it is so nice!) and apply to some of the positions!   I will not worry about the calls, once they are sent off that is it!  I can only think positive from there and believe that good will come from it.  If I do not get a call, oh well!  At least I am on the board and that is all that matters in the moment!  I have a job and I truly believe with the right attitude you can make anything work!  But first, I need to center myself and clear my mind.  Here it goes, meditation challenge day 2!!!   This is the perfect time to meditate because noone is home to distract me and I am feeling a bit anxious.  I am interested to see how it makes me feel after and what I can tackle in the meantime.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot about my goal to get organized.  So I am reading REgina Leeds "One Year to an Organized Life",  which I bought approximately one year ago!! haha.  I have started my new "kitchen cleaning" habits and now I am working on time management.  I am supposed to set some goals about changes in my life that I hope to see.  I like the idea of writing in the present tense rather than in the future because it makes you more accountable.   Also, if you have read the Secret, which I have and would like to revisit it again, it is a positive statement that makes you believe.  Also, another thing to remember is that you do not have to stick to the goals that you set for the year, you can add to it or change it as you yourself changes.  Why stick to a goal that is not motivating to you in the moment?  I will share some of my goals with you!
Be happy!

Keeping Positive

Today was the first day to the meditation challenge.  I love it!  I am really hoping to get a better sense of who I am and what my purpose in life is.  I feel like I am someone who is constantly taking on others negative energy.  I want to have more confidence in myself but I am not sure how to gain that confidence.  For example, I have a good chance of getting an LTO at a school where I know the teachers and the students which gives me some confidence (although I am still a little nervous) and I feel comfortable going into it.  But then there are those people.  You know, the people who say "make sure you do this and that", "keep it mind that (insert something negative here)", "You have some really challenging kids...".    Basically people who "rain on your parade" because it is almost as though they hate to see you being happy.  I have tried to look at it positively and think...hey maybe so and so is just trying to help.  But really so and so is quite frankly pissing me off!  Would it really be so hard to believe that I can actually do this and that maybe I am a good teacher.  Why must we always be so competitive with one another?  Why can we not be happy for others success?
I would love some advice on how to not take on others negative energies.  Now I question my abilities where as I started off with confidence. 

Goals for today...I am feeling a bit down because of this negative person in my life so I am going to stop worrying and start living.  I need to think of all of the things that I am thankful for and appreciate those things rather than dwelling on the one negative thing in my life.  Tonight I am going to be playing ultimate frisbee, I always find that getting out to exercise helps to clear my mind and it also makes me feel happy.  Everytime this negative thing comes into my mind I need to self talk myself into thinking more positive thoughts...and not just thinking them but believing them.  A bunch of job postings came out today so I am going to print them off tonight and decide on which ones I would like to apply to.  I am going to better myself.

I am starting some new habits which I think will help me reach some of my organizational goals.  These habits are simple, but something that I do not always do.  I started with the kitchen and I will try to make these habits consistent for the month and I shall see if these things will actually become second nature to me.  I will unload the dishwasher when it is done, clean my dishes after each use, and wipe the counters down daily.  I know this seems boring and stupid but I really feel like simple changes every day are going to help me become a happier, more organized person. 

If you have any advice or ideas about how to not let others actions or negative energies affect your life please let me know!!

Bored

It is funny...when you are working you just want to be at home and when you are at home you just want to be doing something....but then that feeling of boredom comes over you and even though you have a list of things you could and should be doing...you just don't want to do them.  Well, this is how I am currently feeling.  So...lets see my goal today was to go and plant flowers at my moms grave site and now I am thinking of what else I can do.  My fiance has suggested to go to the place we are getting married at to have some dinner and to write down a schedule of how we would like our night to go.  This sounds like a good plan to me...I can have a glass of wine...relax and actually get some work done for our wedding!   You would think I would be overly enthusiastic about this, but I am not.  I am wondering if the whole wedding planning thing is not so fun because my mom isn't around to help me with it.  There is so much to do still and I just do not feel like doing it.  I need to tackle one thing a day and get it done!  It is amazing how your feelings can change so drastically from one day to the next.  Yesterday I felt amazing and I was pretty much worry free.  Today, I am feeling that sense of anxiety come over me again and I am not sure why.  I need to keep busy and I need to stay on track with making some life changing goals.  I am really excited to start the meditation challenge tomorrow.  I am doing a course Monday-Thursday and my goal is to wake up early and meditate and have a good breakfast before going to my course.  I am going to go for dinner now and enjoy myself!  I need to keep positive and start living my life.  Here it goes!

Day 2

Alright, I am doing pretty good so far.  I cleaned the kitchen and it is looking spotless!   I also did one of my exercise DVD's....couldn't finish it though but I try not to beat myself up about it...at least I did most of it!!   Last night I went to a wedding and danced up a storm which was more exercise then the DVD anyways! haha.  I had signed up for the 21 day meditation challenge and they sent me an introductory meditation video...so I can see what I have signed myself up for.  Pretty cool actually.  The mantra was "What I seek, I already am."  So in that case I am beautiful, smart, funny, and a millionaire!  No seriously though, I really enjoyed it and felt a sense of relaxation.  Today I am going to go golfing with my fiance.  I am by no means good at golf but I like being outside so it should be fun!  I feel so much more happy today.  I am learning to take it one day at a time.  This has always made sense to me, but I have never really experienced the meaning of this.  Having small goals and accomplishing something each day is a great way to stay motivated.  I am pretty much writing this blog for myself, but if I can motivate or help anyone else who may actually be reaidng this blog then how great would that be!  Today I just want to enjoy the outdoors and attack the huge pile of laundry that is covering my bedroom floor.  Tonight I want to have a fire in the fire bowl in our yard, rather then staying in and watching television.  I figure it is too nice of a day to not make it worthwhile.  These things seem simple and easy but doing them gives me a sense of accomplishment.  What I seek, I already am...

It Starts Today

I am sitting here amongst an unorganized mess that I am too lazy or unmotivated to clean up.  I feel like I don't even know where to start in my life.  Everything is changing and it is time for me to start living a happy and healthy life.  From the outside, looking in, I am a very happy and positive person.  However, inside I am hurting and I feel lost and scared.  I am sure this is how many of us feel.  I have just turned 29, I am getting married in 2 months, and I am trying to secure a teaching position.  I feel stressed and anxious constantly.  I have been to the doctor many times thinking that something is wrong with me when in reality my body is simply telling me to calm down.  I feel lightheaded, nauseous, and tired.  I am always worried that something is wrong with my health.  I just found out that a have a cyst on my thyroid and now I think that I have cancer!  Sounds so funny when I say it!  I need a reality check!   I am no psychologist by any means but I think a lot of it stems from my moms death when I was 16.   She died from a heart attack while in bi-pass surgery.  It was sudden and my heart absolutely broke.  There is a not a day that goes by where I do not miss her.  All these life changes and I don't have her here to support me.  But really, do I need to sit here and do nothing about it!  Today I will change!
I have signed up for Deepak Chopra's 21 day meditation challenge and it starts on Monday.  I will let you know how it goes!  I am hoping that this will help clear my mind...depending whether I can focus my attention on it....I am easily distracted : ).  My other goal is to actually put effort into planning my wedding...seeing as there is not much time left!  I also want to get organized and clean up my house!  My fiance is always doing the cleaning and I am always making the mess!  I will start small.  I am going to get off my butt and clean the kitchen today!!  I know that exercise is supposed to help and I am a sucker for exercise DVD's that I never use...so....today I will do one of my Brazilian Butt Lift DVD's (don't ask why I bought this, but when I tried it out I actually liked it and I am not sure why I stopped!)...again, I will let you know how it goes.  
I figure by  making some changes like this throughout the year, I will better myself.  My goal is to create a more positive and organized environment where I can clear my mind and start living my life the way it is meant to be lived. 
Wish me luck!